When you hear this word, what does it make you think of?
Is it a positive or a negative word to you? (Just take a moment to think about it).
Let me take it back just a little bit to a time in my life when this idea was quite new in my understanding:
I remember meeting a woman who really brought this idea to life for me. God had taught her what it looked like to set healthy boundaries not just for herself but also between others and herself.
Every time she talked about it, I was extremely fascinated. Everything about this woman excited me because I could see the love of Jesus so wildly different within her. She echoed rest, peace, joy, patience, love, kindness, and so much more, and I just wanted to spend time hearing her story and talking to her.
Long story short, God used her in a very powerful way in my life:
Someone said the words I had been wondering about…
She talked about the fact that even in good friendships and even healthy ones, boundaries are important.
I certainly have heard about codependency and setting boundaries, but I don’t think it hit home until I reached burnout. Maybe I could pinpoint them for others, but for myself, well, I didn’t know where the line had to be drawn (where the balance should be).
As I started to understand boundaries from this woman’s story, I got the feeling God, in a not-so-subtle way, was trying to tell me something:
My boundaries were non-existent, and that was often the cause of my eventual downfall of feeling drained and depleted.
I was always saying yes, thinking time for myself was negative, always being there for others at the cost of my own health. Though I remember times (and more often than not), those closest to me (like my family) would remind me to take a break and not fill my plate with so many things, one after the other. But I would take it easy for a week and then load it up again.
I would be fine coping with it all for a little while until I couldn’t. And as I’ve realised over the years, it actually caused me to step into situations that perhaps God didn’t always have for me in that moment. Here, I’m talking about things such as, going to all the events from church, to small groups, to friend hangouts, and helping out with this and that and the next thing, serving here and there, ultimately leaving no room for rejuvenating.
Now, what does it look like to rejuvenate? Well, everyone is different. Some might not need as much downtime as others, but I think it’s important to recognise that we all need some amount of time to recuperate. Maybe you prefer to go on a hike because that's where you feel closest to God, and maybe you want to play music or read a book… Maybe all you need is to sit with a coffee, your Bible and a journal, etc. Maybe you think that you feel rejuvenated when spending time with friends, family, etc. But I would like to challenge that; for a long time, that was me as well. But there comes a point where being in stillness is really what you need to find true rest (spiritually - spending time with God).
Ultimately, it’s important to establish the best way of rest for you. (We will focus on what it looks like to rest next week, so stay tuned for that).
Note:
Just to note before we talk about boundaries again…
I know we are called to love God and love our neighbours as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39). We are called to live out our faith boldly and build the kingdom of God, which often looks like service. We are called to live life in community, and there is nothing wrong with good, healthy friendships and the blessing they are. I certainly am blessed to have ‘a few’ close friends and my family around me. But I do think within society today (both Christian and secular), we have overlooked the idea of true rest - everything matters deeply, as Jess Connolly talks about in her book, ‘Tired of Being Tired.’ So, when everything does matter deeply, what are we supposed to do when it's too much and we do not physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually have the capacity to do it all?
Well, we recognise that we are not God.
This woman I mentioned above has become a dear friend of mine, and a while ago I sent her a text (I think after a conversation we had just about how we were both doing), and I remember sending this text:
“…The Lord has humbled me in more ways than I can count but it has made me rely on Him even more and trust that even though I can’t be there for everyone all the time as I would like, God then can be. I need to act only when He prompts so that others don’t miss opportunities of more intimacy with Him because they have a safety net called Jessie. My boundaries are shifting…”
It came as a shock to me as well… Like a bold statement out of nowhere. Yet, at the very same time, it was so on point and reminded me of what God has been trying to show me:
It’s so important to understand why we make the decisions that we do because
it helps pinpoint whether it simply is ‘us’ (the flesh) making the decision, or something of God (the spirit).
In conclusion, in one sentence, boundaries look like finding the balance between whether we are stepping in God’s way versus doing what He has called you to do.
I’m here to tell you that this is not an easy thing to do, especially when it comes to the things that truly matter and the people in your life that are important but once we learn God centred boundaries, we start to give back what was always only intended for God, while others, learn that we cannot be their source of peace, hope, and comfort.
We are not the heroes in our own stories, nor are we the heroes in their stories. That can and will always only ever be Jesus.
Let’s learn what it means to have healthy boundaries for ourselves so that we do not burnout while trying to do more than what He (God) has asked of us.
Until next time,
With love,
Jessie
Next week, we will look more specifically at what it looks like to have true rest and to determine if you and I are actually getting the rest physically, spiritually, and mentally that we need.
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