healing...

As my heart races, beating ten times faster than the norm, I face the reality of stepping back onto a plane. Facing the fear of being out of control... Facing the fear that many wouldn't ever understand...

Facing the reality that what once was, won't always be; I'm safe. Although it's been just over two years since leaving Israel in war... to me, it feels like yesterday. I remember the emotions, the chaos, the tensions, the peace, the love, and just everything... But it's time... It's time to release the pain, release the control to the One who holds us. I talk about surrender all the time because that's what it's all about, yet when we're honest with ourselves, do we really, truly, honestly... surrender every part of our lives, of ourselves to Jesus?

We were made for more than living for yesterday. We are called to something so much greater than ourselves...

Today, I say, that part, will always remain my story and I'm thankful for that. Would I have ever gotten this far without God allowing this journey? Israel will always remain a part of my life, in love, deep care, appreciation, and in prayer but I'm no longer bound by my past experiences in my heart, soul, and mind. I choose to let go of the fear, of the pain... not that I have the strength to do it, but because God gives me the strength to go on... to give the burden to Him in surrender.

I believe God wants to heal that part of me.

Jessie Steenkamp